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Who should move out?

To that end, you have to do whatever you can to get your spouse to move out without the kids. If you are a father, the deck is stacked against you; you have to do whatever you can. Stay within legal boundaries but get your spouse out of the house. Suggest that she go stay with her parents or a friend for a while to cool off, get her a hotel room, send her on vacation or wait until she is on a business trip.

Getting your spouse to leave you is the hardest part to accomplish, but you have to get her out of the house without the kids.

If your spouse moves out and the kids are with you in the house, drag things out as long as you possibly can. Lawyers must work together to schedule things for the convenience of each other. If you found a good lawyer, she will have “things on her calendar” for months. You want to be the “primary caregiver” for your kids for as long as possible before you get to court.

If she moves out and takes the kids before you can get her to leave on her own you have to act fast. Ask your lawyer what the best action would be and how you can get the kids back into the house.

The first course of action might be to ask her to bring the kids back to the house, and work out a visitation schedule. If that fails, you need to file a motion for an emergency custody hearing.

Press the point that the kids are not the ones divorcing and that they were taken from their home and must be returned pending litigation.

You NEVER, ever leave the house alone with the intention of not returning. You cannot leave without the child. The person that leaves, and leaves the kids with the spouse, is sending a message that the other is just as capable or being a good parent as you are.

The bottom line is that I was preparing for a war with a woman that came into my life under happy circumstances. We had a child together and had attempted to build a life together. Once things started to unravel, they went downhill fast. I knew that she was capable of coming up with any sort of story in an attempt to gain custody of our son and to get me on the hook for alimony and child support. If I did not act fast and take any measure she would have won.

I knew it was a matter of timing. I was prepared to take my son and move out if something didn’t happen fast. You have to be prepared to do that as well. The most important thing to me was the safety of my son and the desire that he would grow up in a secure, stable and nurturing environment. My

wife did eventually move out without giving me any notice. I changed all of the locks after all of her stuff was out of the house. Took pictures of the house right after changing the locks.

• Be sure to document any damage that was caused while your spouse was moving out.
• Photograph empty closets and dresser drawers.
• Take a photo inventory of the house.
• Document anything of value around the house that was left behind.

Change the locks, make entries in your diary and photograph everything after she has left and taken her personal items out of the house.

Next: Dirty Tricks