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Previous: Keep a diary and a phone log

Your Social Life

Opinions about when you should date vary from shrink to shrink. Your first thought might be to get out in the world and enjoy your “new found freedom.” Well think of ways to enjoy it without dating. Do not date right now. You are probably being followed by a Private Investigator. You are not emotionally ready to deal with a new relationship. You have sex, you break up, and since you were being followed the opposition knows whom the person is. They serve her with a subpoena to show up at a deposition, she is pissed at you anyway and spills the beans. Congratulations! On top of everything else you now have to deal with being accused of adultery. Your lawyer will not be pleased. Sure her billing will ramp up, but with the increased risk of losing the case, and not being able to rely on you to be honest with her, your lawyer will not work as hard for you and even worse might withdraw. Not good.

It is perfectly natural to have friends. You will need a friend and if that friend happens to be of the opposite sex so be it. It will be good for your kids to see you with friends, both male and female. But with your female friends do not hold hands, no kissing in public, and no public displays of affection whatsoever. The dreaded PDA will come back to haunt you.

Keep it in your pants both while you are married and during your separation. Simple advise but a lot of people just cant seem to follow it.

Just because you spouse moved out and the two of you plan on divorcing does not mean you can date or have sex.

Instant sexual gratification can be a blast, but if you feel the need for this rush with people you pick up in bars or online, you must wait until after your trial. Focus on your child; they really need you at this point no matter what age they are. There are many available references on the impact of divorce on children. I have listed a few in the resources section toward the end of the book. Buy one and read it – twice.

Even if you think your spouse has taken on an extracurricular partner, you don’t do it.

Hire a PI to do the legwork for you and make sure he takes good notes and gets some good video or still pictures. Don’t let your emotions take over because that will just get you into trouble. I remember when I started to notice subtle things that led me to believe that there may be something going on outside of our house, I never even brought up the topic. I didn’t want to know. When you get married, you make a contract with your spouse. Outside sexual partners are off-limits. Do not sink to the level of your opposition, it will make you proud of yourself over time and you will have plenty of time to “get back in the saddle” without guilt or worry once you are legally able to do so.

Next: Take some time off